Bush-Kerry 2004: election guide for wine lovers

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Despite the proliferation of special interest groups in US politics over the past few decades, one group that has been sadly underrepresented is wine enthusiasts! With all the politicians pandering to Joe Sixpack, how about some kissing up to John Halfacase?! To aid our cause, I have constructed a table on the key issues for wine lovers with a blend of mostly old-vine seriousness (60%) as well as a bit of hand-crafted humor (40%). On November 2, the choice is yours!

	Bush	Kerry	Wine lovers’ choice
Wine preference	Teetotaler	Presumably French	Kerry
Approach to trade	Protects domestic industries through selective tariffs	Free trader	Kerry
Approach to dollar	Past four years, decline. Helps sell more Gallo to unsuspecting foreigners.	Presumably reinstate some form of Rubinomics, strong dollar, cheaper imports	Kerry
Approach to interstate shipping of wine	Dazed and confused	For it	Kerry
Doing what after college	Swift bottle	Swift boat	Tie
In-laws	Brother-in-law head of Wine Institute	Heinz family	Tie
Color on electoral map	Red	Blue (Liebfraumilch?!)	Bush
Will win wine producing states California, Washington, Oregon and NY	No	Yes	Kerry
Wine to go with candidate’s public image	Big, bold Aussie shiraz	Subtle white Burgundy	Tie
Iraq war coalition countries through wine-colored glasses	UK, beer; Australia, shiraz; Italy Barolos and Barbarescos	Presumably would add France, Germany; Spain?	Kerry
Alternative bottle closures, such as screwcaps	Prefers it the old fashioned way, with cork	Will take any alternative	Kerry
View on potential “No Wine Left Behind Act”	Would sign into law but only if it leaves all wine behind	Would vote for it but then against the funding	Tie
View on terroir	Must stamp out terroir wherever we find it	Bring it on!	Kerry

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 25th, 2004 at 7:09 pm and is filed under leaders and liters, wine politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Oct

2004